Man Utd analysis: No case for the defence in poor performance v Porto

Poor Robert Bore and his fellow Manchester United fans are having a torrid time watching their team under Erik ten Hag - and there was more misery on Thursday night.

The underfire Dutchman was flying high when United roared into a 2-0 lead against Porto in the UEFA Europa League (stop sniggering Liverpool fans, it’s a serious competition).

But then the wheels came off, as Porto powered into a 3-2 lead then saw Bruno Fernandes head for an early bath (he’s starting to like them) before Harry Maguire’s head spared the Red Devils’ blushes late doors.

Here, Sports News Blitz writer Robert Bore picks through the carnage and gives his take.

The worst defence I have ever seen was Oscar Pistorious trying to convince a South African jury that he thought his girlfriend was a burglar hiding in his shower.

Actually, the worst is probably OJ Simpson's, despite winning his trial after being accused of bumping off ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman.

These days, pushing Blade Runner and The Juice close in ludicrous defence has to be Manchester United.

After watching Erik ten Hag's men throw away another two-goal lead in Europe to - without being too disrespectful - an average Porto side, it was the club's fans who were left crying 'blue murder'.

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You don't have to play on the counter-attack against United, they do it for you.

Seconds after the impressive Samu Omorodion had swept Porto into a 3-2 lead with his second goal of the game, the stats gurus at Opta threw out a damning stat.

Three is not the magic number

Since he took over at Old Trafford, no Premier League club has conceded three or more goals in a game more times in all competitions than United have.

The Reds have shipped a trio or more goals 24 times in that period.

That's right, 24 times.

It was a shambles. Plain and simple. A defensive disasterclass, punctuated by chaos.

There were more gaps in the United rearguard than a blind bricklayer's garden wall as Matthijs de Ligt and Lisandro Martinez looked massively out of their depth. 

The previously impressive Noussair Mazraoui appeared to be awol most of the night and Diego Dalot just did Dalot things. 

Stopping crosses was not in the pre-match tactical notes, or maybe it was written on the back?

Moonwalking through treacle

In front of them, Casemiro and Christian Eriksen looked like they were moonwalking through treacle.  

Although for the first 20 minutes the visitors looked great, particularly Marcus Rashford, while Rasmus Hojlund continued his European form in front of goal as both netted to put United in seeming control.

But they fell over, like a drunk at closing time, and the hilarity ensued.

Comedy from Dalot, De Ligt, Mazraoui and Martinez for Porto's first. Then before you knew it the Dragons were level as De Ligt was out-muscled by Samu.

Rashford didn't come out for the second half, which I initially presumed was through injury. He was rested! His best 45 minutes in months and he was hooked off.  

United were 3-2 down before the second half had reached puberty.

Casemiro was toothless in midfield and off the pace again, De Ligt easily outfoxed by Samu and United were on their way to a fifth European game on the trot without a win despite being two goals ahead in three of those.  

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Don’t talk about Bruno

Bruno Fernandes saw red, for the second time in two games, before Harry Maguire was brought on from the bench to head home the equaliser and snatch a point on the day he was left out of the England squad for lack of playing time.

In years gone by, you'd see United trailing by two goals and throw a shilling on them to win. 

These days, they go two ahead and you daren't part with a penny as you know it's going to Bet365's bottom line.

So the circus moves to Villa Park in front of the Sky cameras this weekend. A happy hunting ground historically for the Reds and the last game before the next tedious international break.

Ollie Watkins and co. may need their own defence lawyer as EtH surely faces another trial by TV on Sunday.

Free betting tips: Goodbye ‘The Greek’, Sunderland v Leeds, Liverpool, lampposts